Not all friendships are meant to last a lifetime. It’s called growth and that’s ok!!!

woman wearing white lace shirt and brown cardigan
Photo by Austin J. Best on

I think of a friendship like a living, breathing organism.  Instead of food and water it requires love, respect, admiration and two like minded individuals that truly enjoy the camaraderie of one another.  This week, I became resolved that my on again, off again friendship with someone that I was extremely fond of and had really and truly considered one of my best friends, frankly, was just NOT!  The truth is, this person really didn’t like me.

How do I know this, you might ask?  People’s actions will tell you everything that you need to know if you look, listen and actually pay attention.   Therefore, after several situations that I considered to be suspect behavior from a so-called best friend, I finally came to the resolution that this person just doesn’t like me very much.  I’ve also considered that they just didn’t know how to be a best friend. Most of what we do is done by example, even inadvertently.

Perhaps my requirements for being a best friend may be a bit too stern:  Here’s what I give plenty of and therefore ask for the same treatment in return.

  • LOVE

That pretty much rounds out the list for me. Unfortunately, people tell you who they are very early in the game, but it is us who refuse to see the signs and in my case, absolutely ignored too many things until the bullshit became blatant!!!!

That’s called “COGNITIVE DISSONANCE”.  I mean, the truth is that a small quiet voice whispered to me every time some shit was off. Every time a situation arose that made me feel unappreciated or talked about or even when I caught the side ways eye rolling as I walked away, I knew, but I really wanted to believe otherwise. You see, I enjoyed our seemingly fake interactions and false “best friend” bravado. Ahh yes, we were so close or so I really wanted to believe so.

The truth is a friend authentically wants the best for you. A friend doesn’t talk shit about you with people that they know doesn’t care for you even if it is their closest family member.  A friend acts truly concerned for your health and welfare.


At the end though, I still wish the best for them. What I have learned has truly taught me to keep things simple, everybody doesn’t have the capacity to accept or appreciate unadulterated love,  also authentic friendship must be earned.

It’s tough but sometimes the lesson helps us grow.

Melanin Queen

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